“Touch is the sense that marks, in the body, the boundary between Eros and Thanatos. It is through touch that love is realized. It is in the place of touch that torture happens.”
Rubem Alves
After some time in retreat, I return to writing at Dykerama, finishing the sequence of texts about sex and the five senses, talking about the last and, perhaps, the most important of them: tact.
To talk about touch, we have to start by talking about the skin. It is the largest organ in the human body and is responsible for providing us with the sense of touch, forming a “layer” of protection between our body and the outside world, thus being fundamental for our survival. It helps us perceive the world, since it is through it that we feel, for example, if the temperature of the environment is too hot or too cold or if there is something that can threaten and hurt us, like a thorn.
Furthermore, tact is also extremely important in human relationships and, undeniably, in sex. Babies born prematurely who are gently massaged tend to develop better than those who are not massaged, and grow up happier. People deprived of affection and physical contact tend to develop various pathologies, from emotional to physical, such as aversion to touch or sexual difficulties. Therefore, the skin and touch not only have a biological function, but also an emotional one…
The regions of our skin that contain the most nerve endings are responsible for the greatest sensations, both pleasure and pain. Among the most sensitive areas of the body are the fingertips, tongue, nipples and – amen! – our beloved clitoris. But there are other very sensitive areas that we often neglect, such as the inner thighs, the back of the neck and neck, the rib area, the feet...
The importance of touch in sex is almost obvious. If interest can begin with the look, the voice, the personality, it is through touch that it strengthens or ends for good. The kiss, the touch, the temperature and the texture of the skin, this is what determines whether “chemistry” will happen or not… The good thing is that this “chemistry” does not depend on whether the person follows the beauty “standard” or not, or a woman we are interested in. Sometimes a woman seems perfect to us, but when it comes to kissing, having sex, something doesn't “match”, and so there's no point in trying too hard. And in others, when we think we have nothing in common with the girl, she drives us crazy with her kiss and her touch, and then the desire becomes very difficult to hold back...
And this desire, this “chemistry”, these “skin things” are extremely particular and often inexplicable. It could be the texture of the skin, the temperature, the way of playing, the “fit”… Or, most likely, everything together. And, when everything comes together, sex tends to be unforgettable…
Talking about touch and sex is talking about touches. The kind of light ones, when the fingers dance over the body, the face, the lips, giving us delicious goosebumps. The most aggressive ones, which take our breath away, arrest us, intimate us, cage us. Massages, which can both relax and excite.
It's talking about brands. Hickeys on the neck, purple marks on the thighs, scratches on the back. Hot candle marks, lipstick marks, bite marks.
It’s talking about sensations, and multiplying them: soft kisses, hot tongues, cold hands… Sweats, sheets, lingerie, bubble baths, warm oils, creams, black halls…
It's talking about experiments, letting yourself go. It's talking about creating new desires, asking, inventing, knowing when to stop, and when to continue...
It's talking about ways to increase our sensitivity to touch, asking our partner to blindfold us and stimulate our body in different ways, such as with feathers, the tongue, bites, ice... Or play, taking turns with the sensations: applying ice, then passing the tongue hot (exactly where it is is up to the imagination…).
Talking about tact and sex, in short, is talking beyond the obvious. As Rubem Alves says, it's talking about fulfilling desire, materializing fantasy, feeling love.
