The story of the truck driver who came out as a crossdresser and travels around Brazil in high heels

The baby blue Mercedes truck parks and opens its doors. The driver, Aphrodite, 68 years old, deftly descends on a pair of heels, a skill achieved in the decades in which she wore the shoes hidden from everyone. His dress is black, a form of mourning, in respect for the death of the man he once was. Aphrodite was born Heraldo Almeida Araújo – the name that appears in all her documents -, but for around six months she has asked to be called by her female name, chosen because of the admiration she has for the Greek goddess of love, beauty and sexuality. In the middle of last year, he decided to come out as a crossdresser, a practice in which men wear clothes and accessories considered feminine. “Since I was a child, I have always felt like a woman. I asked my mother why my breasts weren't growing and she said that men don't have breasts. I never understood why I was born this way”, he reveals. Aphrodite considers herself heterosexual and stopped getting involved with women a few years ago. Amid the changes of recent months, she hopes to become transsexual and become interested in men, leaving behind a life that she considers sad, for not having been able to be who she really is. He was a corporal in the Army, a truck driver, an electrician, a businessman and a pastor. He married twice and had a daughter. And he found ways to satisfy hidden desires. “As a child, I took clothes from some of my cousins ​​and wore them. Later, as an adult, I secretly sewed my clothes myself or bought some pieces. And she wore women’s underwear, like panties or a bra, under her men’s clothes.” She wore women's clothes for the first time at age 13, when she asked her cousins ​​to dress her and do her makeup. Now, more than five decades later, he has decided to undergo sexual reassignment surgery. “The procedure, together with the silicone I intend to have, will make me complete this cycle”, he says. Aphrodite's life is similar to that of several Brazilian crossdressers. According to Cristina Camps, one of the directors of the Brazilian Crossdresser Club – dedicated to crossdressers and transgender people –, many people take decades to come out. “Normally, this desire arises in childhood, but depending on society's standards, only adults will understand it. Generally, men admit themselves behind closed doors, for fear of being discovered and losing their professional and social achievements.” There are no surveys on the number of crossdressers in Brazil. However, Cristina explains that more than 3 thousand men have already passed through the Brazilian Club. “Crossdressing, in Brazil, is still embryonic. We are the first club dedicated to this fetish in the country. We emerged in 1997, but before that, hundreds of people were certainly already adept at the practice. It’s difficult to measure”, he comments. Born in Jacarezinho (PR), Afrodite now lives in Cuiabá (MT). During her childhood in Paraná, she remembers that she always tended to choose activities related to girls, which made her the target of comments from her classmates. “They laughed at me because of my more delicate manner.” During puberty, she had an identity crisis. “I was angry when the first hairs appeared on me and my voice deepened. It was by studying anatomy that I came to understand that I couldn't have breasts. But still, I kept my dream of one day becoming a woman”, she declares. When she moved to São Paulo, still in her teens, she started working in a weaving factory and started sewing women's clothes for herself when she was alone. And he only wore them inside the factory, because he didn't have the courage to go out into the street. She maintained the habit of secretly wearing women's underwear during the periods in which she served in the Army, when she was a civil servant in Corumbá (MS) and, later, a truck driver. In the city of Mato Grosso do Sul, he met his first wife, from whom he hid his fetish. They got married in 1974. “Often, I had to travel by truck, for work, and I wore lingerie. But I never used anything in front of her”, he says. Once, the woman found, in the pocket of Heraldo's pants, panties that had been used by her own husband. “Maybe she was suspicious, but she didn’t say anything.” It was also during this period that Aphrodite had her only daughter, Tatiana, a year after her marriage. It was one of the most important moments of his life. “I always wanted to have a daughter, because I believed it would identify me more”, he comments. The marriage lasted 16 years and ended after Aphrodite began an affair with another woman. After this relationship, for the first time, she risked going out on the street in women's clothes. “They were discreet things. I started at the end of 1995. I didn’t know anything about crossdressers or transgender people, I just really wanted to dress like a woman and be one”, she says. She stopped hiding her desires from her closest friends, but soon gave up wearing feminine clothes in public. “Prejudice was very big on the streets. I wasn't the target of any aggression, but I heard comments like queer or fagot. So, I decided to preserve myself and also temporarily gave up on my plans to change sex.” The second marriage lasted 14 years and ended in 2013. One of the reasons for the breakup, says the crossdresser, was the couple's sex life – Aphrodite says she has always had difficulty relating to women, but is not interested in men either. “I consider myself heterosexual, because people of the same sex have never attracted me. Sometimes I think I might be asexual.” Career as a pastor During his second marriage, Heraldo, a Kardecist spiritualist since childhood, decided to learn more about his partner's religion, which was evangelical. He ended up becoming a pastor, a role he held for more than 10 years at the Assembly of God in Cuiabá. “I preached, gave testimonies and spoke about the word of God. I even held worship at my home, for 150 people. I really liked it.” And he used to lead religious ceremonies in women's underwear. “No one noticed, but I used it because it felt good.” Over the years, she began to question how religion would view the fact that she felt like a woman. “My fantasies continued and I often asked God if I was wrong. But I felt at peace with my conscience and that reassured me.” In 2013, after deciding that he would become a crossdresser, he left the Assembly of God. “Many things went against my principles and I felt very repressed. I think I shouldn't have stayed so long (in the church). Today I think that I shouldn’t have delayed my happiness so much.” 1 – Six months ago, she asked to be called by her female name, chosen in honor of the Greek goddess Aphrodite (Photo: Alair Ribeiro/BBC Brasil) 1 – Six months ago, she asked to be called by her female name, chosen in honor of Greek goddess Aphrodite (Photo: Alair Ribeiro/BBC Brasil) 1 – Six months ago, she asked to be called by her female name, chosen in honor of the Greek goddess Aphrodite (Photo: Alair Ribeiro/BBC Brasil) Relationship with the family Aphrodite says that She had a good relationship with her brothers – with whom she formed a partnership in an electrical company – until she started openly wearing feminine clothes. “They said I was going crazy. They isolated me and even banned me from serving customers,” he says. Aphrodite even filed a police report against relatives, claiming to have suffered threats of aggression. And he opened a lawsuit against the two brothers for libel and defamation. “We have already had some hearings and the judge advised us to undergo psychological counseling”, he says. Doctor in social psychology Sandra Elena Sposito states that psychological support can help a crossdresser to understand herself better. “These people may perhaps need some support to face situations of stigma and prejudice. Not because of crossdressing itself, but so that they understand that this situation does not need to generate suffering. The difficulty comes from the way of being in the world and not being recognized, not being able to move around in society or express yourself socially.” Prejudice within her own family was precisely the hardest part for Aphrodite. “They were people who I expected would at least respect me. I didn’t imagine they would attack me like that”, he laments. However, she claims to have received support from her nephews and father. “He acted normally towards me. He didn’t make any comments when he saw me as a woman for the first time.” When remembering her mother, now deceased, she becomes emotional. “She would love me even more. I know she watches me, because nothing goes wrong for me. I know I can win. Today, I feel her presence encouraging me”, he says, through tears. Another important support came from her daughter, housewife Tatiana Rodrigues, 42 years old. “She handled it calmly. The first time she saw me, she only gave me one piece of advice: don't paint your nails too brightly when you're working. But I said that I like colors like that, because they hide the dirt on the nails, due to my work as a truck driver.” Rodrigues says that, until 2017, she had never identified an interest in her father in becoming a woman. "I never thought about it. My father wasn't that extremely macho figure, but he never showed an effeminate tendency. He was an ordinary gentleman”, he explains. “I can't say that (seeing him dressed as a woman) was something you look at and think: okay. The first thing I thought was: wow, that's my dad. That image I had before no longer exists. But its essence is the same and that's what matters. After the first impact, I started to see it normally, because my father is a treasure to me, along with my mother”, he says. Prejudice and gender change But the daughter fears for her father's physical integrity. “My fear is that he will suffer some type of violence, because the world is increasingly dangerous and there are many intolerant people,” he says. It's the same fear as the father. “I have never been physically attacked, but that is my biggest fear,” says Afrodite. Since coming out as a crossdresser, she has faced nasty comments and embarrassing situations. “I've been pushed in bars, but other people came in to defend me. I have also been prevented from entering some establishments. Prejudice is now part of my routine. People turn up their noses, sometimes they get up and go sit somewhere else. I ignore it, but it all hurts.” One of the most difficult moments is when you need to use a bathroom in a public establishment. “Many don’t let me enter the women’s and I have to go to the men’s. It's bad, because I wear pantyhose, I have to use the urinal and I end up having to lift my dress. I feel exposed, because there is always someone who embarrasses me or insults me in the bathroom”, she laments. Aphrodite would like to have sex change surgery this year. First, however, you must undergo therapeutic follow-up, so that you can receive a favorable psychological/psychiatric report and a diagnosis of transsexuality. Meanwhile, she filed a lawsuit to have the name Aphrodite appear on her documents. “I explained to the judge that I am not homosexual, I am transsexual. At the Forum, everyone called me Aphrodite”, he says. The process is still ongoing. Currently, Aphrodite classifies herself as a crossdresser, as she has not made any changes to her body. When you have sex change surgery, you will consider yourself transsexual. “I want to get as close as possible to a woman, which is how I really feel,” he says. A crossdresser for around ten years, psychologist and artist Fe Maidel argues that crossdressing does not necessarily precede a gender change: “Each person has a unique way of expressing themselves in the world. Being a crossdresser can be the beginning of a process of knowledge, which may culminate in gender transition, or not.” The desire to complete the transition phase is such that Aphrodite has been taking hormones on her own, without consulting a doctor, for five months. “My daughter has already scolded me. She said: Dad, I lived with Heraldo for 42 years and I want to live the same period with Afrodite”, he comments. The crossdresser promised to suspend the medication until medical advice is given. Sexual reassignment will be, according to her, the beginning of a new life. “It’s a dream I’ve had since I was a child. I really need this surgery”, he says. And, even before that, Aphrodite had already decreed the death of the man she had been since childhood. “People ask me why I like black so much. It’s because I’m in mourning, out of respect for Heraldo, who died.” The crossdresser leads a lonely life. His routine is limited to some freight in the truck, going to stores to buy clothes and going to bars on nights when he is happy. Most of her days have been spent at home, where she lives alone, along with 16 cats. He says there are few people he can count on. “It's sad, but I know they end up moving away from me. I only have my daughter, my granddaughter, my son-in-law and my first wife.” Even so, Aphrodite does not regret coming out as a crossdresser. “I only blame myself for not having done this sooner.