Discovering yourself is complicated, frightening and, at the same time, wonderful... Several philosophers and poets (who, in a certain way, are still philosophers) have stated that the greatest adventure is to know yourself. In this process, we invariably come across attitudes, thoughts and behaviors that harm us, preventing us from growing or achieving something we desire. And that’s where the bug hits: we need to change…
After some complicated and somewhat painful relationships, it's normal to become a little withdrawn from a new passion and start to adopt behaviors and attitudes to avoid getting involved with someone. We can become chickens, staying with several girls and often being clumsy, locking ourselves in the house and staying in front of the TV or the computer, living in virtual relationships with no intention of making them real, in short, there are several mechanisms to escape from a relationship. new involvement. When this option is conscious, it's fine, but the complicated thing is that this fear is often unconscious, and we end up boycotting relationships at the slightest sign of them starting.
But the brilliant thing – and most difficult – is to realize when we are doing this, when we are masking our fear of a new relationship with false attitudes of “disenchantment”. At first, the feeling is of frustration because we realize that this was the type of feeling that our past relationships left in us. And it is at this time that we must welcome ourselves and understand that this fear is natural, but that we cannot let it dominate our lives forever. Of course, it is important to reflect if we are not always relating to similar people, if we always repeat the same relationship pattern. If this is occurring, deeper reflection or even the help of a therapist is necessary.
After this period, it is then time to think about whether we are involved, falling in love again. And now the fear tends to turn into dread. Almost instantly the little wounds that we thought were healed return, and then it's time to realize that this is a new person, a new girl, a relationship TOTALLY different from the others. Looking at the woman who made our hearts beat faster again, and realizing that she's no use, is like this: you have to take risks.
Risk suffering, going wrong, being frustrated again. But also risk wild and tender nights of love, complicit smiles, cafunés, tight hugs, delicious kisses, revealing and enriching conversations, naughty texts and emails, affectionate nicknames, sleeping cuddled up, to fits of laughter, looking into each other's eyes, smiling out of nowhere in the middle of the street and looking silly.
However, to take a risk you need courage... We may need to change behaviors and thoughts, open ourselves up again, and that is uncomfortable. But I believe it is worth it, because deep down we are choosing between trying, learning and growing, or living on the run. I take the first option.
