Inevitably, the end of the year arrives and we want to take a look back at what happened, there are so many stories, so many episodes, people, work, crises, ulcers, happy and sad moments, that we feel the need to organize all this information into little drawers inside our heads to see if anything made sense. Because my 2008 made a lot of sense, although at times it was very dramatic, very painful, in other words, normal.
Starting with my love life, everything happened that year, it was the period in which I experienced the maturation of a lesbian relationship and the end of my marriage as well. I discovered the pain and delight of having someone by my side every day, partner, companion, friend, hot, in short, beautiful. I learned to value everyday life, life as a partner, leaving aside my selfishness, fears and traumas from frustrated relationships.
It was the year I came out to my family, perhaps the most difficult part I faced in 2008. Telling my mother “I'm a lesbian” was a premature birth, even more difficult was witnessing her reaction there in my house, the scandal, swallowing the insults, the prejudice, hearing the famous phrase “I'd rather you were a whore because at least it would be 'working'”… It was bad, punk, fucking difficult, but I learned, grew, matured and lost 357 kilos off my back.
I learned a lot at work too, I made contacts, friendships, partnerships, I started writing for Dykerama and designed some projects that I intend to carry out in 2009. I also worked like crazy in the first semester as a freelancer, I earned a little more money and spent almost everything in gasoline, wines, sparkling wine, restaurants, motels, Arraial do Cabo and other things like that alongside my girlfriend.
At the height of the crisis in my marriage, I had an ulcer, I went to therapy with an old lady, it didn't work out very well, I went to therapy with a gay psychologist, that didn't work out either, I went to a psychiatrist, I needed to eat to avoid dying of anorexia and out of sadness, the medicine worked, I started to love allopathy, I love the advances in pharmacology, a little chemistry in the body is sometimes necessary to continue living life with a minimum of lightness.
At the end of the year, I went to all the sapa parties in Rio de Janeiro, I created roots in samba, I met a lot of cool people, I made friends that I will keep for the rest of my life, I strengthened old friendships, I hooked up with straight women, I discovered that I had to be passive, I tried falling in love with someone who didn't fall in love with me, I discovered what it's like to live the B side of a romance, I really enjoyed the adventure, and then I got tired of the whole game. In the end, it was all worth it, really.
Above all, the message that remains is not even mine, but from the great Guimarães Rosa: “The flow of life wraps everything up, life is like this: it heats up and cools down, tightens and then loosens, calms down and then becomes restless. What she wants from us is courage."
Merry Christmas and a beautiful new year to all the readers of Norma Lúcia's blog.
