You've been dating for a while. He has sex frequently, always with a condom. Until one day you forget to take it. "Okay", he thinks. "Just this time". Over time, the couple always starts having sex without a condom, even though they do not follow the recommendations of health authorities.
There was a time, back in the mid-80s, when gay couples had to negotiate the use of condoms. After all, at that time, it was difficult to know who could be infected with HIV and, therefore, protection was more than necessary. Awareness of this, however, did not prevent conflicts from arising. "It was a drama", says actor Cláudio Mendes. "Talking about condoms aroused panic. On the other hand, it forced people to recognize that they led a life that was considered promiscuous at the time."
Today, few people make a case for using condoms at the beginning of a relationship. However, when they gain trust in their partner, stopping using is inevitable. "The use of condoms in monogamous and stable relationships is a subject that is rarely discussed, but you only need to do a survey among friends who have boyfriends to notice that the vast majority do not use them", says student Leandro Leal, 28. “De- because over a period of time in a relationship, trust is greater than the fear and insecurity of an STD or even HIV”, he states.
In practice, it is not an easy issue to resolve. This is because it involves a high degree of trust in the partner. "They both have to trust each other", says economist Alex Laurindo, 23. "And they also have to believe that they will not have unprotected sexual relations outside of marriage."
For couples who maintain an open relationship, this discussion is even more complex. Márcio Canhêdo, an Audiovisual student at USP, went through a crisis with his boyfriend, with whom he has been together for 11 years. "He told me that in some circumstances he had unprotected sex [they admit to having parallel sexual involvements]." Márcio states that he spent months afraid of being infected with HIV. "We went to get tested together and found out we were clean."
Today, the two have sex with each other without a condom, but they have committed to always having safe sex with other sexual partners. "If he's going out alone, I'll put condoms and gel in his pocket myself," says Márcio.
Forever
Many couples have chosen to never stop using condoms. "Fidelity does not prevent AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases", says David Harrad, married to the president of the Brazilian Association of Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals, Transvestites and Transsexuals, Toni Reis.
Together for 18 years, they only have sex with condoms. "Personally, I think it's more hygienic to have sex with a condom." Toni agrees: "From the beginning, we made the decision to always use condoms. This does not mean that one distrusts the other. On the contrary, it means that we want the best for each other. Whoever loves, cares."
Attraction to danger
But if it's so complicated, why insist on having sex without a condom? “It’s much tastier,” says Alex. "It's a wonderful pleasure, but momentary. Our health, our life, is much greater."
However, some people unconsciously put their lives at risk. "In my office, it's common for gays to appear who don't use anything at all," says psychoanalyst Cátia Oliveira.
"The curious thing is that the most closeted are those who are least concerned about safe sex, which leads me to think of some self-punishment mechanism," he says. Cátia says that she doesn't see any problems with stable couples stopping using condoms, but recommends that they both seek medical advice. "Everyone needs to be aware of the risks they may be taking. Our romantic vision does not help prevent AIDS."
