This is not a phenomenon or a contemporary family nucleus. Families made up of people of different sexual orientations and gender identities have been part of society long before the Brazilian media considered reporting it.
+ Airline includes gay couple in Mother's Day campaign
But it is still necessary to highlight these bonds, love and stories. Especially when conservative groups take over Congress and try, through crooked projects, to define family only as couples made up of a father and mother.
On Mother's Day, the
THE CAPE brings a special report to reaffirm that family is the connection of people who love each other. And remember that there are countless mothers spread across the country who are lesbian, bisexual, heterosexual, cisgender, transvestites and transgender women.
We spoke to five of them. "Our family exists and cannot be marginalized due to other people's religious convictions", says one of the mothers. And the exciting stories are below:
“When they hear prejudice, they say: 'how silly, what matters is love'”
“Luna and I have been together for 6 years and since the beginning of our relationship we wanted to be mothers. We started the adoption process right after the wedding and an in vitro pregnancy attempt – and I lost the baby at three months. During the adoption course, we left with the conviction that we would opt for late adoption (children over 5 years old), regardless of sex, race... All that mattered to us was being mothers.
Nine months passed, from the preparatory course until we went to the National Adoption Registry, until we received twelve contacts from different Forums across the country talking about children. Twelve. We were distressed – how do you choose a child? Don't choose!
But when they called talking about our children, I felt a different shiver that ran through my entire body. It was the Yasmin, 8 years old, and the Thiago, 5 years old, biological brothers. In one of the meetings, we asked: “Do you want us to be your mommies?” “Hum hum”, said Yasmin, smiling and shy. We asked: “But we are a couple, there are two moms, is that ok?” She asked: “Do you kiss on the mouth?” We laughed and said yes.
“Do you kiss on the cheek too?” said Thiago. And that was it, everything was very natural. Prejudice is in the adult's head, not in the child's head. The adoption process is still ongoing, but we are confident that it will be finalized soon. Today, when they hear a prejudiced comment, they themselves say: “How silly, what matters is the love of the family”.
(
Helena Paix, mother of Yasmin and Thiago, wife of
Luna Meyer) //
“After I went through sexual reassignment, the desire to be a mother was stronger”
“My desire has always been to be a mother, even if this child was not biological. After I got married in Milan and underwent CRS (sex reassignment surgery), this desire became stronger, so strong to the point that I felt a great emptiness. I had bouts of crying and suffering.
My husband didn't feel the same need, but since I wanted it so much, he ended up agreeing to let us go through the adoption process. The process was quite difficult, as I had to expose my entire life from childhood to the present day, I went through physical and psychological assessments and endless interviews.
We got the social worker's approval and then the judge's approval to join the adoption queue. After two years – yes, my pregnancy was two years – my daughter Lisa arrived. She was only two days old and I experienced the entire process of postpartum motherhood. As I live abroad, several complications arose and it took me three years to resolve all of this.
I can only say that being a mother is magical and that the first time she called me 'mother' was an incredible joy. She is a rare jewel and it is as if she was born from me. Lisa has a strong personality, but she is a sweet, determined and very polite child. She always says 'please', 'thank you very much', in fact, she appreciates everything (laughs). I try to teach the real values of life, respect for people, for everything that is different and to prepare for the world as it is.”
(
Cibelle de Oliveira Montini, mother of
Lisa, 4 and a half years old). //
“What was normal for our daughter was a problem at school”
“Since I was little, I had determined that I wanted to be a mother at the age of 28, after I had the structure to do so. And being a mother in the sense of generating. I met Márcio, Vera's father, who also wanted to give birth, and we programmed it. How much Edge was born, it was a wonder, the fulfillment of a desire, to educate, to create, to share, to share, to show different sides of my rainbow.
She was about four years old when, at school, she drew two mothers holding hands, Márcio and his partner. We were called at school and it was very difficult for the principal to understand that I had a partner.
What was normal for Vera ended up becoming a problem for the school. And we were there to help them, if they needed it. At that time there weren't so many NGOs, movements, assistance. I had to resolve everything alone, with my partner. Our relationship is wonderful. For me, love, respect and limits have always been fundamental in this mother-daughter relationship.
We try to teach values such as love, ethics, dignity, respect and that she knows how to impose limits. Of course, there have already been “wrecks”, because it wouldn’t be healthy if it didn’t happen. But we always had a frank and open dialogue. No charges, because the world already demands too much from us”
(Regina Steriner Papini, mother of Vera, 27 years old, and waiting to be proposed to by Maúde Salazar) //
“We froze Julia’s semen until I regain my fertility”
Being a mother was not a point that could be discussed: I would be a mother one day, with or without company. Despite this, one thing was certain: I didn't want a father for my son or daughter. It was with all this in mind that, before even becoming romantically involved with Julia, I suggested that we have a child together.
Due to Julia's transition and my hormonal problems, we were both infertile at the beginning of the relationship. It was long and difficult months for fertility recovery. When Julia finally managed to resume hers, we froze the semen for future insemination, since I was still infertile. And it was at the last second that we managed to get pregnant.
The pregnancy was complicated, risky, and the months until the birth seemed to drag on. When our daughter was born, after a cesarean section filled with obstetric violence, all I could think was "finally! Welcome to the world, my daughter." Our daughter is still very young, our relationship is based on providing for all her needs, something that is decreasing over time. But it's beautiful to be part of her life, to have generated her and to see her develop more every day.
Being cliché, I loved it when she called me mom for the first time – the day after calling Julia by the same vocative –, when she took her first steps, when she smiled at me. It's the small gestures and everyday actions that make it all worth it. We don't have expectations beyond wanting her to be good, honest, respect others and be happy.
(
Lilian K., cis woman, who is Alice's biological mother, alongside her biological mother
Julia, who is transgender) //
“One day I explained that her mother loved another girl.”
“The pregnancy came in the fourth year of marriage with Melissa’s father. It wasn't planned, but it became the most important part of me. It was nine endless months until I could see that small, fragile little girl, with her big curious eyes. From then on, everything changed within me. I wanted to be a better person, one that she could be proud of one day.
The marriage didn't last past Melissa's first birthday. After that, it was almost two years of exclusive dedication to motherhood and only then did I start thinking about another relationship. That's when I met Val. First the singer; then, the wonderful person she is. One day I simply explained to Melissa that her mother loved another girl.
Children are not born with prejudices and Melissa loved Val from the beginning, and vice versa. In our first year of marriage, in Paraíba, we were neighbors with her father, who was already married again too. Since then, we have been a united and happy family, today living in São Paulo, just the three of us: me, her and Val. Melissa is the best part of us. It is the reason for our evolution as better human beings.
She is a lovely child, very smart and communicative. She talks proudly about our family at school and gets hurt when a classmate mistakes her stepmother for a boy because of her appearance. Melissa loves music and is inspired by Val's work. She says she will be a singer too. Whatever. What matters to us is that she is free, happy and respects others, with the lifestyle she chooses”.
(Michelle Lira, mother of Melissa, and wife of Val) //
"At 10, she asked me to watch a film about homosexuality"
“I thought and think that motherhood makes us look at humanity more attentively. We try to understand more what happens, even to avoid erroneous judgments. The path I took in relation to my motherhood was the most usual: a man, a relationship, a pregnancy. It was a high-risk pregnancy, with a premature birth (she was removed at 6 months of pregnancy).
When I was with her, I felt like the most important woman in the world. But I was also aware that being a mother means having an immense responsibility that doesn't stop even when the child reaches adulthood. Regarding prejudice (of being a lesbian woman), I've never noticed if that happens. My relationship with my daughter is very open and she found out about my sexual orientation when she was still a girl, at 9 years old. My first girlfriend talked to her.
A remarkable thing that happened was when, at 10, she came to tell me that she was going to show a film on TV about homosexuality. And what she wanted to watch with me was 'My Dear Companion'. The result is that my daughter is very well informed, well resolved and has many gay and lesbian friends. This is because I tried to teach two values: 'Your freedom ends where that of your fellow man begins' and 'Love and respect your neighbor, as you want to be loved and respected'".
(Maria Auxiliadora Evarista (Dodora), 62 years old, currently single and mother of Yasmine Paula Evaristo).
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