I have been having an affair with my maternal uncle since I was 17 years old. We live together. Today I am 19 years old. He is a widower and I came to his house from the countryside to study. The thing is, I was a virgin when I met him. He was my first and only man. He's now talking about how he feels guilty, he thinks I'm gay because of him. This upsets him a lot, because he thinks that because he is my uncle he is doing something wrong. Another thing is that he is very jealous. He doesn't want me to go out with my college friends. I like him a lot but it suffocates me. What do you think I should do? Mike (Belo Horizonte – MG)
Mike, let's go in parts. The fact that you are gay has nothing to do with the fact that you had an affair with your uncle. The cause of homosexuality is related to other factors. Probably, like every gay person, you were born with a behavioral susceptibility to this type of sexual orientation. With or without your uncle, your life was already geared toward liking men.
So he shouldn't feel guilty about his homosexuality. He doesn't do anything wrong by having an affair with you. You declare that you like him. He probably likes you, too. So live this moment of your lives. As for his jealousy, that's something you should talk about. We are jealous of what we like and don't want to share, or what positively reinforces us and we are afraid of losing.
Maybe he's afraid you'll get involved with someone else. I imagine you're a lot younger than him. They have different needs and experiences. My tip is: talk to him and tell him how important it is for you to go out with your college friends and that this doesn't pose a danger to your relationship. And that jealousy is not good for you and can harm your relationship with him. Success!
(*) João Batista Pedrosa is a psychologist (CRP 06/31768-3) and author of the book Segundo Desire (Iglu). Send your queries and questions to pedrosa@syntony.com.br. Also visit your website http://www.syntony.com.br.
