I'm 32 years old, I'm gay, but I'm not out at work. I am a sales supervisor at a beverage company. Another supervisor has been teasing me for some time because he suspects I'm gay. Despite not being effeminate at all, but because he is single and has no girlfriends, he often gestures towards me, speaking politely and calling me Crô, a character from the soap opera "Fina Estampa". This bothers me a lot. I think I'm developing depression. I get upset and don't feel like going to work. How should I proceed? Jorge (São Paulo – SP)
Dear Jorge, the situation you describe is very common, especially when the person's homosexuality is evident, for example, when the gay person is effeminate.
In some situations, the person's behavior of talking and gesturing in a caricatured way, imitating an effeminate gay or a transvestite in the presence of a gay person who is not out, has the homophobic function of punishment to disqualify the homosexual. It denotes moral harassment. Situation that undermines the homosexual’s self-esteem.
When a gay person is out and it's reinforcing to have caricatured behavior, like Crô in the soap opera, he doesn't see it as a punishment. On the contrary, in this context, it sounds like a positive reinforcement of the game. Which is not your case.
In the popular imagination, a gay man is a histrionic person: who displays exaggerated gestures, the way he expresses himself, dresses and is effeminate. The prototype of this gay man is Crô, who Aguinaldo Silva republished in the soap opera Fina Estampa. He's the type of gay who is successful in the media. Loved by children and ladies, his flashy behavior pleases many people. See the transvestite Valéria, from Zorra Total. This type of character was a bit of a fad, now it's back with a vengeance in the media. Lately, with the visibility of the gay population in the media, this image has begun to be demystified with the inclusion of masculinized gays in soap operas.
How should you act? I suggest you talk to your colleague and tell him that you don't feel comfortable being compared to a soap opera character and ask him to stop. If the conversation has no effect, talk to your boss and report the situation.
If none of these situations resolve, you can file a lawsuit for moral harassment. It is an extreme measure that has consequences, that is, your exposure. That's why many gays give up on going that route.
A final suggestion, perhaps, is that you seek psychological help to create a repertoire of how to deal with situations of bullying. Receive my affectionate hug and solidarity.
*João Batista Pedrosa is a psychologist (CRP 06/31768-3) and author of the book "Segundo Desire" (Iglu). Send your queries and questions to pedrosa@syntony.com.br. Also access your website.
