Hello, Dr. Pedrosa. All good? I have an inner conflict. I'm homosexual, I'm 21 years old and I haven't come out. By participating in a Protestant church, I internalized that being gay is the worst sin that can violate divine laws. I've always tried to hide that side of me and sometimes I can't. I know I haven't been authentic and I haven't lived well. I intend to have a future marriage relationship, have children and such, be like my other cousins. But at the same time, I see that this dream is surreal. I don't see myself sleeping with a woman... But my pastor says God will provide that. And there? I am faced with an impasse. On the one hand, I am afraid of the repressive society and my conservative family and on the other I have repressed my happiness. And God? How is it? I don't want to hurt him. I really need your opinion. Pin (Guarulhos – SP)
All good. His conflict is similar to that of thousands of young religious gays. For Roman Catholics, evangelicals and the like, practicing homosexual sex is a very serious sin, a heresy as it was called in the Middle Ages. A heretic was anyone who exhibited behavior contrary to what the church defined as right. Those who acted in disagreement with the dogmas of the church.
Pope Gregory IX established the first Papal Inquisition in 1231. Gregory was something of a church hardliner. He was determined to put an end to heresy in all its forms, exceeding all the limits of his time. He ordered the fanatical inquisitors to eliminate witches, sorceresses and all those who did not share the doctrine of his church. Gays at the time, called sodomites, were also persecuted and killed at the stakes of the inquisition. Even black cats were targeted by the pope, as they were 'representatives of Satan'. Perhaps, the roots of homophobia were strengthened in this dark period in human history, bringing suffering to many gays to this day, including making you suffer, too.
I don't agree with the pastor of your church that God will provide this, that is, he will find a woman for you to bed with. You are gay and you will remain gay until your last breath. It is said that God created all creatures. He created the heterosexual and He created the homosexual, therefore, you are not hurting God. He wants your happiness and you will only be happy with a gay man by his side. God will put a man by your side. As God loves all creatures on the face of the Earth, he loves you too. He, because he is so kind, will not blame you for your homosexuality. Don't fear God, fear homophobic men, they could do you some harm.
Getting married and having children like your cousins is not in your nature. It could bring you more suffering. Being homosexual is good and healthy, as long as you accept your sexual orientation calmly.
I have a suggestion for you: study, have a profession, don't depend on your family, be financially independent, have a place to live, look for an inclusive church – that accepts gays – for you to attend and find a really nice guy for you to date . Dating and having gay sex is good and will be good for your health. Don't forget the condom, okay? Good luck!
* João Batista Pedrosa is a psychologist (CRP 06/31768-3) and author of the book "Segundo Desire" (Iglu). Send your queries and questions to pedrosa@syntony.com.br. Also access your website.
