I am 23 years old. I don't feel like having sex. I'm a virgin and I don't masturbate. I like looking at gay websites and seeing photos of naked men, but I feel remorse afterwards. I think I'm sinning. I was raised in an evangelical family that always thought gay sex was wrong. I was a victim of homophobia at school and among the cousins I lived with as a child. Bullying at school was intense. Because I was an effeminate gay child, I was beaten a lot at school by my classmates and suffered prejudice from some teachers who kept making jokes at me. I have depression and I think about committing suicide. When I was 20 years old I started having cleaning OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). I stopped studying even though I was always at the top of my class and passed all the competitions I took, always in the top ten. I don `t want to work. I spend little time at work, afraid of what people will do to me. I don't leave the house in fear and my life is limited to spending the day cleaning the house with alcohol and going to church. I already had treatment with a psychiatrist who attends my church, but I gave up. He was homophobic. Can you comment on my statement? Joe (Interior of the State of São Paulo).
The term bullying is used to name behaviors that denote verbal and physical aggression directed at people who deviate from the stereotype reinforced by cultural practices. The following are victims of bullying: obese, thin, homosexuals, black people, physically disabled people, among others. Bullying includes name-calling, bad-faith nicknames, physical aggression, gossip, persistent criticism and putting others in a humiliating situation.
This discrimination directed at 'different' people has always existed across cultures. It seems that it is part of human nature to isolate, humiliate or even sacrifice those who do not fit into the rules established by the culture. Some indigenous tribes of the Upper Xingu in Brazil practice infanticide by sacrificing babies who are born with physical disabilities or who are different, such as albinos and twins.
Bullying is a punishment for being different. It is practiced in all environments. Among adults in the competitive environment of companies and on a large scale in schools. The practice of this type of violence is present among children and adolescents from all social classes. Bullying practiced by boys and young men is characterized by punishing their victim, generally using physical aggression and swearing. Girls and young women use other, more subtle forms of punishment: nicknames, isolation from the group, sarcastic comments, among others.
For behavioral scholars and psychologists, bullying can cause serious damage to a child's emotional development, their self-esteem and interfering with the formation of their behavioral repertoire, strengthening escape and avoidance behaviors. As a side effect, we will have children who have not reinforced adequate behaviors for coping with environments, so-called shy, anxious and closed children. They are afraid of punishment from the community to which they belong and isolate themselves from social contacts.
About you, what can I tell you? You must be a wonderful, intelligent guy and deserve, like all of us, to have a dignified life. Because your life is emotionally miserable. Dignity means you can freely express your sexual orientation and seek to live without worrying about what others think of you, whether you are an effeminate gay man or not. Having a job is important to you. You seem like a guy with incredible potential.
I think you should seek psychiatric help at first to resolve depression and OCD. Therapy with a psychologist could be of great value to you. Look for a professional who is not linked to homophobic religious groups. I believe that you alone will hardly be able to turn your life around. Receive my fraternal hug.
* João Batista Pedrosa is a psychologist (CRP 06/31768-3) and author of the book "Segundo Desire" (Iglu). Send your queries and questions to pedrosa@syntony.com.br. Also visit your website.
