Hi Pedrosa, the situation is as follows. I've been married for five years and live well with my partner. Six months ago we received a visit from a friend of my partner coming from the countryside to spend a week here at home until he found a place to live. He had an affair with my partner in the past.
At first I didn't want to welcome him, I think out of jealousy, but the guy came, I thought he was cool and we became friends too. It turns out that I felt very attracted to him and going into the bathroom to get my underwear, he was drying himself, I saw him naked and I couldn't resist, we had sex and it was really good. I felt very guilty, suffocated and ended up talking to my partner. He, to my surprise, proposed that we have sex as a threesome. That's what happened and it was wonderful, we understand each other very well, the three of us are versatile. Well, he came to spend a week at home and has been with us for six months.
The three of us have a relationship. The three of us sleep in the same bed and do almost everything together. We are really enjoying this situation. We are being criticized by some gay friends who think it won't work. I think I love them both, is this possible? Will this relationship work? Moreno Jambo (Rio de Janeiro – RJ).
Thank you for the contact. We have as a reference the traditional heterosexual marriage between two people of different genders based on fidelity and until death do them part. In real life things are different. In addition to this model that was selected by our cultural practices as the correct one, there are other possible models.
Homosexual marriage itself breaks the paradigm of traditional marriage. Therefore, I think that marriage between three people of the same gender, although unconventional, is doable. It is possible to love more than one person. From a Behavior Analysis or behavioral psychology perspective, we love a person when that person: 1. has things (the anatomical characteristics of the body) that positively reinforce us, that is, we like what we see; and 2. does things (behavioral characteristics) that please us. Will this marriage work? I don't know if it will happen, it will depend on how the three of them will guide it.
Here are some tips: always communicate very well, express your feelings, agreements and disagreements, this is what we call Assertiveness; And regarding criticism, I think you should ignore it, do what is good for you. It's great when people who have affinities meet and love each other. Good luck to the trio!
(*) João Batista Pedrosa is a psychologist (CRP 06/31768-3) and author of the book Segundo Desire (Iglu). Send your queries and questions to pedrosa@syntony.com.br. Also visit your website http://www.syntony.com.br.
